Toilet Power Plant
This idea has only just reached me. When you pee, gravity pulls the urine own to the toilet bowl, but if we attached some kind of paddle wheel in the bowl which would also be attached to some kind of generator. Then while the urine is being pulled down by gravity, it also forces the paddle wheel to spin,thus generating free energy. Another free energy method would be to wear air tight underwear with some kind of gas delivery system. Farts would them be automatically stored in gas canisters, and would be burned when the need arises. And as for fecal matter, I am positive that it could be used as lubricant for car axles etc.
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The most rewarding poo
Doing a poo is much like revealing a aching secret. You release all the tension that builds up at once, giving a feeling of a lightweight feather feel afterward. The effect is amplified when you have a stomach ache. Upon sitting on the toilet the feeling of desperation kicks in. The aching prevents you doing any other leisure activity, and your attention is held on getting the poo over and done with. What’s even worse is the uncertainty of when the poo will be done. Usually you have an average time duration your feces popping, but in the case of a stomach ache ETA is extremely variable. The actually poo is fairly challenging too. You need to make the decision as whether to push the defecate and endure intensified ache, or allow the excrement to natural inch it’s way out of the anus and endure a deflated anguish. Making the wrong decision at the wrong time can result in an extended torture sentence. As you feel the first block of feces drop from your rectum and slash into the water below, knowing that the most diffucult part is over is Due to all these down comings and pot-holes, the finishing of such a gratuitous quest brings self-glory and reward. The knowledge of pain relinquishing it’s grip on you is comparable to winning tetris. A new wave of energy and happiness flushes(wink) over you, and you feel as though nothing can bring you down. A prize well worth the pains and pit-falls of the jouney.
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Showers and exercise
Today, at 5:00pm, I went for a little run. I watched the end of “Groundhog Day” and got some trousers on in place of my freezing, revealing shorts. I had never voluntarily went outside of my home to exercise. I took a damp flannel in case I started to sweat uncontrollably, luckily, I did not sweat too much. With a pair of moderately comfortable shows, I took to the streets. It was my second time I had seen the area without a car window in front of me. The air was overwhelmingly fresh, and the surroundings were unusually large. Walking past the bushes to start with. Deciding to start with a slow down hill power walk. I was weary of the suspiciously looking youths occupying the swings. I decided not to make eye contact in order to avoid a confrontation. I turned left, away from the youths, and on my way back to my home. Suddenly the ground sloped wildly to the left. I stumbled, groping blindly in the air to regain my balance. But I failed. I crashed to the ground. Disorientated, I heard the sounds of gunfire. Fearing for my life I flung myself behind the nearest car for cover. Bullets were flying everywhere, shattering the car’s windows all around me. I chanced a peak at who was attacking me. I am unable to describe what I saw. It was gruesome. My first gut reaction was that they were aliens. They were like crawling slimy squids. They were carrying human weapons, which I assumed were stolen. I ducked down again before I could see anymore as more bullets sprayed toward me. I heard cars behind me. The military! I was saved! Soldiers poured out of the vehicles and fired upon the advancing aliens. I crawled toward the soldiers, but someone dragged me to the side. I ended up on my back staring at the man who dragged me.
“What’s going on?”
“Aliens”
“Merlin’s beard!”
Suddenly, the sky above me opened up and a ray of light drowned me. A feeling a energy surged through my body. A voice cried to me “Use the force”. I knew what to do. I rose up above my fellow humans and turned in mid air to face my opponent. Bullets flew in my direction, but the stopped in midair as I raised my palm. I motioned the aliens to approach me, and so they did. The soldiers had stopped killing and watched in awe at the aliens. As the aliens started to surround the humans, I made most of them explode. Love sprayed in all directions drenching both humans and aliens alike. They started to dance together. Singing and loving each other in a flurry of freedom. After ten minutes, the aliens adopted a human form, and they now live in harmony with humans to this very day, hiding their true identity to love humans, and create a race of alien-human hybrids. I gently lowered to the ground and continued my run. And when I returned home, I took a nice cold shower which surprisingly didn’t feel cold at all! The end.
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I was in the bath. I looked out through the window of the bathroom. The sun was illuminating the sky. The clouds slowly marched away, carried by the gentle, yet grand wind. I put down the book I was reading, and lifted my naked body from the tub. The water dripped from my body like rainwater dripping from a glass pane. These were the moments I most cherished. The time after a relaxing and divine bath, and before the obligation to work. I dried my body, and wrapped a towel along my waist, to hide any offence to the other inhabitants of my home. I took my time to open the door and traverse through the hallway to my room. The hallway seemed to glow and radiate fond summer dreams. Streaks of sunlight creeping in through open doors threw themselves on the floor, warming my feet as I passed. As I entered my room, the summer dreams entwined with the feeling of familiarity and sense of home. I welcomed the feeling. I opened my window, and the fresh air washed over me coupled with the songs of birds. It was euphoria. I opened my wardrobe, and extracted my best fitting pair of pants, shorts and my favourite t-shirt. I felt the security of the towel begin to waver. I let it drop from my body. As the towel fell to the floor, I felt the fresh air gush through my previously hidden skin. How refreshing. I slowly pulled on my pants, and felt the security and support not offered by boxers. After getting changed, the feeling of euphoria began to decline. I felt myself returning to a place of depression and slavery. But at that moment, I heard an overwhelming and up lifting sound. It was a twinkle. The sound, I knew, could only have come from my laptop. It was the sound of completion, and achievement. It was the sound of my download finishing. It was then, I felt compelled to share my glorious adventure to the world. I cannot describe the tranquility I feel now. May you feel it soon. Perhaps you could re-enact my fantastic adventure, and feel what I feel. I am Leslie. And I will have pizza tonight.
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I realise I have not been posting recently. This was due to a lack of inspiration. However here is the first chapter of my new novel “The Insane Adventure of Charlie! This novel is where I play out all of my most wild fantasies, encased in this wonderful text. So, without further ado, I present…
-=Chapter One: One sexy summer evening=-
It was a fine summer’s evening, and Charlie was massaging his front three legs, as he had fell over on a rock called Tim. Tim was a manic depressant. He wanted to die. But unfortunately, rocks don’t die, they merely erode. He perched himself upon the windiest hill of all the land, yet he had been alive for twenty six trillion years, and only four percent of him had eroded. Tim wanted to befriend Charlie because when Charlie fell over him, Charlie chipped off a chunk from Tim, simulating extreme erosion. But Charlie was doubtful:
“I don’t want to be your friend because you hurt my legs” cried Charlie
“But you can help me die!” retaliated Tim
“WTF? Can rocks even die?”
“Of course we can! We can talk, and laugh, and dance. Why should we not die?”
“I am sorry Mr…”
“It’s Tim, Rock Tim”
“Well, Rock Tim, I am sorry, but not only have you hurt three of my legs-”
“Only three of your legs, you have sixteen more!”
“Yeah, but those three legs were the ones with my new manicure on!”
“I tell you what, I will get my good friend, Jim Jenie to grant you three wishes, and you can use one wish to wish I was dead!”
“Hmm…” Charlie pondered this deal while massaging his leg back to health “Deal!”
So Charlie placed Tim in his pouch and cut a hole in the front to let Tim see. And with Tim telling Charlie where to go, they set of together in pursuit of the magical Jim Jenie.
It is slightly short, but it looked really long before. More to come.
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Awesomely Entertaining!
It’s been a while since my last post, and for that, I am sorry. I decided to make up for the lateness with a rather longer post than usual. I also thought of making another video, but of what, I cannot say.
I finished reading the Harry Potter series recently. It was epic! I read the entire series, which totals to about 3,407 pages of the fantastic adventure! But now that I have finished the series (which took a surprisingly short amount of time) I feel empty and bored. With Harry Potter in my life, I always had something to turn to when I had nothing to do, and sometimes to turn to when I had alot to do. It made me look forward to bedtime, because I would have up to an hour of uninterrupted adventure time. It made me love waking up to find it within arms reach of my bed.
But now that it is gone, I cannot help but feel slightly depressed. I know it all ended well, the magical world is safe, but I thrived in the fictitious emotions of the characters, I got high from the story’s twists. I have tried many times to replace the feeling with another book, "Star Warped", "Quantum Theory Cannot Hurt You", "Altered Carbon", "War of the Worlds", "Imagining the Tenth Dimension" but it’s not the same! When ever I read those books I think "Poo! This is pretty pooish compared to Harry Potter! Screw this poo!" And I stop reading! Oh lonely nights, oh devoid days, empty darkness that envelopes my soul and mind! Where can I find salvation from this oppressive existence? Nowhere is safe! No-one will welcome me into their dry and sheltered homes of magic and wonder. I must find an umbrella to protect against the pelting anguish! How can I cure my incurable disease?
You know? I am pretty impressed my that!
Translated in to the younger generation’s slang
It be way back since me last post, and for that, FUCK YOU. To make up, YOU IZ GAY! LOOLOLOOL. I also thought of making another video, but of what? yo mama!.
I finished watching the Harry Potter movies last year. It was Harry Potter! I watched them all, which totals to about 0 pages of the thing! But now I have finished it I feel bored. With TV in my life, I always had something to watch when I had nothing to do, and sometimes to turn to when I had homework to do. It made me look forward to party time, because I would have up to an hour of uninterrupted trip time. It made me love waking up to find booze within arms reach of my bed.
But now that it is gone, I cannot help but feel slightly sober. I know it all ended well, the mushroom’s are safe, but I thrived in the fictitious trippy moments in hat attic, I got high all the time. I have tried many times to replace the feeling with another movie, like the Internet, but it’s not the same! When ever I take those drugs I think "Damn! This is pretty awesome compared to yo mama!" And I stop! Oh lonely nights, oh devoid days, empty darkness that envelopes my soul and mind! Where can I find salvation from this oppressive existence? Nowhere is safe! No-one will welcome me into their dry and sheltered homes of magic and wonder. I must find an umbrella to protect against the pelting anguish! How can I cure my incurable disease?
You know? I am pretty impressed my that! By what? by yo mama!
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Cheese & Groin
I watched Lord of the Rings: Two towers today. It was absolutely fantastic. And after being totally amazed to the max, I returned to surfing… the Internet. Then I discovered the most treacherous and vile thing. My bookmarks had been tampered with. You cannot believe the shock I experienced. Though it was only a single added bookmark, it was shocking to find that people in the household were brave enough to tamper with my most prided possession, my computer! Naturally, being the sly detective I am not, I decided to investigate, and that’s where things got a wee bit hairy. I had a packet of crisps in my hand after not eating for over 15 minutes! And as I reached my hand over to click on the newly added bookmark, my hand tipped the crisp packet out of hands, it fell for a full 0.23 seconds before landing open end down on my groin! Taking a second to recover from the strange experience, I set about deciding how best to remove the product, forgetting all about the tampered bookmarks. I drove my hand deep into my groin and under the crisps, and tipped them back into the packaging. Unfortunately, I could not get all of the crisps off of my groin. Some remained. I knew I would not want to put them back into the packet, I had to do something. I ate them, strait off my crotch, but before you judge me, remember this, the groin hardly touches anything all day aside from the inside of my underwear. And urine is sterile! So no harm would come to pass upon me. This incident also reminded me of the time my friends dog kept sniffing my crotch. I couldn’t do anything as I was sitting down, with a drink in one hand, and a bowl of sweets in another. Thankfully, no-one noticed what the dog was doing.
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My First All-Nighter
As the title suggest, This post is about the journey of my "all-nighter"…
It was 9:00AM on a Sunday Morning. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and the first drops of morning dew were gone due to the growing temperature of earth. I logged onto my computer and checked WoW. I discovered that someone was selling 5x [Large Prismatic Shard] with the buyout at 1silver and 3 copper coins! Thinking "AH MAI GUURD!!" I bid on it. Most of that day was filled up with continuous checking and bidding. As the auction neared it’s end, my bid was about 10s 20c. I waited desperately for the auction to end. And it did! I rushed to my a mailbox and right clicked on my item. As it ‘pinged’ and appeared in my inventory a huge sense of achievement fell over me, I couldn’t help but dance! That was the start of a torturous 36 hours. As night fell over my home, I was still contemplating my victory at the World of warcraft auction house. At about 00:00AM, sister 1 (I shall not reveal names for safety sake) suggested joining her in an all-nighter. I agreed as there was an entry on my to-do list to stay awake for 24 hours. sister 2 also joined in! As our parents went off to bed, we stayed downstairs fearing that if we caught the sight of our beds, we may be tempted to sleep on them. Sister 1 previously mentioned that she had never seen the movie "Blood Diamond" before! Shocked I hurried off upstairs being careful of the creaking stairs in order to retrieve it. On the way I also took the my BBC focus magazine, and the DVD "Stardust" because it was a super awesome badass movie and I wanted to watch it again. As I went downstairs, Sister 1 and Sister 2 were discussing whether to watch the special features for "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" We eventually did in the end, But not without watching "Blood Diamond" first. I realised, The main character’s son is called "Dia" Which is the first three letters in "Diamond"! Awesome! I will spare you the rest of the night’s details.
As Morning came, I was extremely tired. The "Peter Kay" DVD was playing, and I was extremely tired. Resting my head on the arm on the sofa I drifted into a half-sleep. I dreamt of robots. I awoke five minutes later. Sister 2 had given up and headed off to bed. I had 3 more hours to complete my to-do list entry. Sister 1 had made Coffee. It was disgusting. I drank while eating a sandwhich, and I also had a Starburst afterward to wash out the taste! At 8:00AM I was watching "Takeshi’s Castle" Thinking, "Japanese people are awesome!" After that I don’t really remember anything. I awoke at 10:00AM in bed wondering how I got there. I went downstairs and saw my Mum & dad eating breakfast. Then I awoke again at 12:00AM again wondering how I got to bed. I decided to get up and Go on my computer.
It was a magical adventure, and one that will stay with us for century’s to come. I have completed my to-do list entry (although I don’t know what happened for the last 30 minutes of it). And gained a sense of victory over my achievement. I hope you can maybe suggest what happened in that one and a half hour memory gap I am missing. I love you all! HI-FIVE!
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Computer Nerd!
I was so surprised by my result, that I just had to share it! *hugs*
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